When Parents Can’t Cooperate: The Rise of Parallel Parenting

 Posted on December 00, 0000 in Divorce / Family Law

There are many instances when a highly contentious divorce can become equally contentious co-parenting. Some parents are unable to cooperate, making every text, every pickup and drop-off, and every decision turn into a conflict-filled situation. Illinois courts are more and more often turning to parallel parenting as an alternative to traditional co-parenting.

Under the parallel parenting model, each parent handles day-to-day parenting decisions independently during his or her parenting time. Each parent has authority during his or her parenting time, with communication between the parents occurring only as necessary. Parallel parenting situations are the frequent answer to intense post-divorce hostility between parents and are supported under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (750 ILCS 5/602.10).  

While this parallel parenting structure can shield children from conflict, it also raises questions about consistency between the two homes and long-term family dynamics. If you think that parallel parenting might be the only way you and your ex can parent your children, or if you are having issues with your parallel parenting, an experienced Kane County, IL child custody attorney can help.   

How Do Illinois Courts View Parallel Parenting?

Judges use parallel parenting as a last resort to reduce parental conflict and the child’s exposure to that conflict. There must usually be documented hostility and an inability to work together for the good of the children for parallel parenting to be ordered. Parallel parenting plans may include the following:

• Clearly divided decision-making authority between the parents; one parent may handle school decisions, while the other handles medical decisions.
• Limited, structured communication, often through court-approved phone apps.
• Neutral, designated drop-off locations, or third-party exchanges.
• Clear rules for handling cancellations or missed parenting time.
• Specific start and end times for each parent’s parenting time with the child.
• Rules against discussing the other parent in front of the child.
• A designated method for passing along important information, like a communication log that travels with the child.
• Specific protocols for extracurricular activities, holidays, and special occasions.

Even in parallel parenting situations, the courts expect both parents to uphold the child’s right to a relationship with both parents.

What Are the Pros and Cons of Parallel Parenting for the Child?

Parallel parenting tends to reduce stress on the child from the parents’ constant conflict, while creating predictable routines and safe emotional distance. The downside of parallel parenting is that the child will likely sense the parental division or inconsistent rules and attempt to manipulate the situation to their advantage.

Gaps in communication between the parents can lead to confusion regarding expectations. If one parent disengages entirely, emotional detachment between that parent and the child can result. While parallel parenting can preserve stability for the child when the conflict remains high between the parents, it is rarely an ideal long-term situation.   

When Parallel Parenting Fails

While parallel parenting is generally considered the best solution to a bad situation, if one parent routinely violates the parallel parenting plan, harasses the other, or engages in parental alienation, additional legal solutions may be required. If the parallel parenting situation involves protective orders or mental health concerns, it is less likely to be successful. The parenting plan in a parallel parenting situation must be clear and enforceable, with no ambiguity. Family law attorneys can ensure the plan protects parental rights while still maintaining the best interests of the child.

Contact a Geneva, IL Parenting Time Lawyer

If your post-divorce interactions constantly lead to conflict, parallel parenting may be the best solution for you and your child. Illinois courts recognize that protecting children sometimes means reducing parental conflict. A highly skilled Kane County, IL parental responsibilities attorney from Loire Krajniak Law, LLC can help design a detailed parallel parenting plan that supports your child’s long-term well-being while minimizing tension. Call 630-448-2406 to schedule your free consultation.